You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
