he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
