The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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