I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
