At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
