this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
