all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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