Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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