My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
