somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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