another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
