I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize