So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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