i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
