You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
