sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
