so explain again why im purple
no
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
