i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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