My balls are so social today.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
