the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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