...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
