yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
