just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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