break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
