yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like eating out sand paper
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
