i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
