Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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