At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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