I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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