i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
