Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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