She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
