She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize