Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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