Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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