Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
