New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
