i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
