I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
