The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
