Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
