why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
