So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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