Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
