I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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