Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
