every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
