If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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