So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
