My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize