can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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