I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And then my night got REAL pukey
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
