He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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