Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
