do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
