I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
