The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
