Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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