He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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