don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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