idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
