i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
