my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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