My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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