She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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