like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
