dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
