i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize