Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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