Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
